PC gone mad

What follows is a joke, but it really does seem to be the way things are headed sometimes... And if you can follow this at first glance, you must be a genius!

Politically Correct 23rd Psalm

The Lord and I are in a shepherd-sheep relationship, and I am in a position of negative need.

He prostrates me in a green-belt grazing area, and conducts me into lateral proximity with a non-torrential aqueous accumulation.

He restores to original satisfaction levels my psychological makeup.

Notwithstanding the fact that I make ambulatory progress through the non-illuminated geological interstice of mortality, terror sensations shall not be manifest within me due to the proximity of omnipotence.

Your pastoral walking aid and quadruped-restraint module induce in me a pleasurific mood state.

You design and produce a nutrient-bearing support structure in the context of non-cooperative elements.

You enact a head-related folk ritual utilizing vegetable extracts, and my beverage container exhibits inadequate volumetric parameters.

Surely it must be an intrinsic non-deductible factor that your inter-relational, emphatic, and non-vengeful attributes will pursue me as their target focus for the duration of the current non-death period.

And I will possess tenant rights in the residential facility of the Lord on a permanently open-ended time basis.

Progress of a kind - curtains

The house is moving forward. I finished painting the bedroom last night. Now I need to tidy up and get my curtain rails back up, make the curtains and hang them (hopefully shouldn't take too long because it's just sewing a couple of squares...) and then measure the room and get carpet and underlay. Oh yeah, and I need to get a couple of replacement floorbords as well because the gas man cut them up when he was checking the pipes hunting for a leak.

Downstairs things are looking ok as well. I need to put a couple of ribbons on the curtains to keep them hanging where they should be, and I'd like to get up a curtain pole over the doorway between the kitchen and the lounge. There used to be a door there, but it was a nasty sliding thing that filled half the gap even when it was closed, didn't fit properly and made a lot of noise. It didn't hang all the way to the floor either, so no good for keeping out draughts. (Was that the right spelling or should it be drafts? I think I was right the first time...)